DOCUMENT ID: BC-2026-X77
SECURITY CLEARANCE: EYES ONLY (LEVEL 5)
FROM: Executive Office of The Bossman
TO: Lieutenant West (Current Status: Unknown/Moonbase?), Director of Amazon Operations, Regional Security Chiefs
SUBJECT: WHY ARE WE LOSING TO A GUY NAMED "PRIMAL"?
INTERNAL MEMO: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (Srsly, don't CC HR this time)
Listen up, team. It is July 2026. We are halfway through the year, and I am looking at the Q2 loss reports. Do you know what they say? They say we are being systematically dismantled by a guy who looks like he’s permanently stuck in a fitness montage, a middle-aged scientist, and, I can’t believe I’m typing this again, a very, very smart orangutan.
I’m frustrated. I’m beyond frustrated. I’m “I-just-threw-my-platinum-pen-into-the-Amazon-river” frustrated. We have the funding of a small nation-state, and they have… what? A tree? Some darts? A really good Wi-Fi connection?
Let’s break down where we’re failing, because clearly, my previous 400 memos weren't clear enough.
1. The "Primal" Problem
Tom "Primal" Swift. That’s the guy. He was supposed to be a minor nuisance. Instead, he’s out there throwing our heavy-duty timber harvesters like they’re made of balsa wood. I was told his superhuman strength was a "variable." It's not a variable; it's a catastrophe.
Oops Moment: To the security team at Sector 7: I saw the footage of you trying to "tackle" him. You didn't tackle him. You collectively became a human bowling ball. Stop trying to wrestle the guy who can bench-press a bulldozer. Just… stop.
2. The Primate Predicament
Who authorized the security protocols that can be bypassed by an orangutan? Alpha isn't just a "pet." He’s a tactical genius with more combat awareness than half of our mercenary staff. Last Tuesday, he managed to hotwire a specialized transport unit using nothing but a discarded juice box and some copper wire.
If I see one more report of a guard losing their high-tech rifle to a primate because they "thought he looked cute," I will personally oversee your reassignment to the Giza excavation site. It’s hot, it’s dusty, and there’s zero Wi-Fi.
3. The German Tech "Legacy" Issue
We spent billions, literally billions, recovering that classic German tech from the 1940s. We’re talking about bioweapon prototypes and mutation formulas that were supposed to turn the rainforest into our personal playground.
Instead, Leonard West (who I’ll get to in a second) decided to start playing mad scientist with the Red Mercury crystals. Look, I love ancient mysteries as much as the next billionaire, but can we focus on the goal? We need that Spirit Tree power. We don't need a "Crimson Sky" if it doesn't help our bottom line.
SECURITY LOG: INTERCEPTED TRANSMISSION (SUPPLEMENTAL)
Note: This was found attached to the memo, likely a "Tech Leak" from Sunbyte’s latest hack.
[04:12 AM] Leonard West: "The red mercury fusion reactor is almost stable. Once the Giza Pyramid is fully powered, the Spirit Tree won't stand a chance."
[04:13 AM] Bossman: "That’s great, Lenny. Truly. But could you maybe send down some of those fancy German-style drones? Primal is currently using our 'invincible' tank as a decorative lawn ornament in the middle of a village."
[04:15 AM] Leonard West: "I am evolving, Bossman. I am Mortalis now. Names are for the weak."
[04:16 AM] Bossman: "Okay, 'Mortalis.' Can 'Mortalis' please help me with the Q3 insurance premiums? No? Then get back to work on the moonbase."
4. The Giza / Moonbase Rent (It’s Getting Expensive)
Speaking of the moon, do you have any idea how much it costs to maintain an abandoned German moonbase? The logistics alone are a nightmare. And for what? So West can transform into a guy named Mortalis using Primal’s DNA?
I’m all for personal growth, but this feels like a very expensive mid-life crisis. If we don’t get control of the Spirit Tree soon, the entire rainforest is going to go into a chaotic meltdown, and then nobody gets to harvest anything.
Another Oops: I accidentally sent the "Secret Plans for World Domination" PDF to the caterers for the company gala. If you see a tray of hors d'oeuvres shaped like the Giza fusion reactor, just eat them and don't ask questions.
5. The Rainsavers Recruitment
How is their team so well-coordinated? We have Dr. Mubari doing the science, Jungle Dart handling the ground tactics, and Sunbyte… oh, Sunbyte. To my IT department: if I get one more pop-up on my office monitor that says "Save the Trees, Bossman!" with a dancing cartoon monkey, you are all fired.
They are protecting the Amazon. We are trying to… well, we’re trying to make a lot of money and maybe control the destiny of the Earth. It shouldn't be this hard! They are six books: I mean, six major operations: ahead of us!
THE ACTION PLAN (JULY 2026)
- Neutralize Tom Swift: Do not approach him. Use the German-engineered containment fields. Do not try to talk to him. He’s very persuasive about "nature" and "harmony."
- Secure the Spirit Tree: This is the endgame. If Mortalis (formerly known as West, formerly known as my most reliable guy) seizes the power, even I might not be able to control him.
- Budget Cuts: No more gourmet coffee for the mercenaries until a Rainsaver is behind bars. Or at least the orangutan. I’ll settle for the orangutan.
FINAL THOUGHTS
We are at a turning point. From the depths of the Amazon to the Giza pyramids and even the moon, The Rainsavers are there, ruining my day. They think they’re heroes. They think they’re saving the world.
I think they’re a nuisance that needs to be cleared out like a patch of unwanted weeds.
Get to work.
: Bossman
Think you can do better than Bossman's henchmen?
The battle for the Earth isn't just happening in this memo: it's happening across all six books of The Rainsavers series. From the Primal Awakening to the final Wrath of Mortalis, the stakes have never been higher.
Will the rainforest fall to corporate greed and ancient German tech, or can Tom, Alpha, and the team save us all?
👉 Join the adventure and grab your copies at Rainsavers.com!
Meta Description: A leaked internal memo from Bossman reveals his top-secret frustrations with the Rainsavers in 2026. Read the intercepted intel : and see how the team fights back.
