Meta description: The Amazon has officially filed seven complaints against Bossman. Read this leaked 2026 HR file and discover why the rainforest wants his corporate access revoked.
CLASSIFICATION: Leaked internal document
DEPARTMENT: Amazon Ecosystem
YEAR: 2026
SUBJECT: Michael “Bossman” Carbón
CURRENT STATUS: Under investigation, probably pretending this is a misunderstanding
The following HR file was recovered from a waterlogged tablet near an abandoned corporate outpost. The tablet still worked. The keyboard did not. Alpha reportedly fixed it with a banana peel and “a look.”
Here are the seven complaints the Amazon rainforest has filed against Bossman.
Complaint #1: Treating the Rainforest Like a Clearance Sale
Filed by: The Canopy
Incident: Repeated attempts to clear massive sections of forest for mining and lumber operations.
The Amazon would like to remind Bossman that it is not an empty lot waiting for luxury condos, parking garages, or a suspiciously large corporate warehouse.
According to the complaint, Bossman has repeatedly referred to trees as “unrealized assets,” which is a deeply unsettling way to talk about something that has been producing oxygen, shelter, food, medicine, and shade for thousands of years.
HR note: Recommend immediate enrollment in “Trees Are Not Inventory” training.
Complaint #2: Unauthorized Use of Fire
Filed by: Every living thing within a five-mile radius
Incident: Large-scale burning used to clear land.
Bossman’s preferred approach to environmental planning appears to be:
- Find rainforest.
- Light rainforest.
- Call the result “progress.”
- Act surprised when everyone is angry.
The destruction of Dr. Mubari’s research lab during one of these operations was especially noted in the file. The lab contained valuable research, equipment, and the sort of scientific information that could have helped people.
It also contained several items Bossman probably should not have set on fire, including the origin story of his biggest problem: The Rainsavers.
HR note: “Burning the evidence” is not an approved records-management strategy.
Complaint #3: Making Everyone Breathe His Mistakes
Filed by: The River
Incident: Pollution, smoke, runoff, and mysterious industrial waste.
The Amazon River’s statement is short:
“I already have enough going on.”
The river alleges that Bossman’s operations have created smoke, chemical runoff, plastic waste, and other unpleasant surprises. Nearby fish reportedly developed a faint glow, which sounds impressive until you realize glowing fish are usually a sign that someone has made a terrible decision.
The soil microbiome also submitted a supporting complaint, stating that heavy machinery and metal runoff have disrupted underground fungal networks.
HR note: The phrase “toxic waste, but make it efficient” appears nowhere in the company handbook.
Complaint #4: Sending Drones Where They Were Not Invited
Filed by: The Wildlife Committee
Incident: Repeated deployment of corporate drones and heavy machinery.
Bossman’s drones have been accused of buzzing through nesting areas, disturbing wildlife, damaging vegetation, and generally behaving like flying surveillance cameras with no manners.
One jaguar reported that a drone interrupted its nap three times in a single afternoon.
Alpha’s response was reportedly less diplomatic. His statement included one banana peel, two hand signals, and a drone that no longer qualifies as technology.
HR note: Add “Do not annoy the orangutan” to all future field briefings.
Complaint #5: Weaponizing the Supply Chain
Filed by: The Department of Common Sense
Incident: Using corporate networks, bribery, intimidation, and shell operations to hide environmental damage.
Bossman does not usually stand in the forest holding the machinery himself. That would be far too obvious. Instead, he works through layers of contractors, corrupt officials, secret projects, and carefully polished public statements.
In other words, the trees see the bulldozers, while the public sees a presentation titled “Sustainable Growth Initiative.”
The Amazon has requested that all future corporate communications use fewer green leaves in the logo.
HR note: Greenwashing is not the same as planting trees.
Complaint #6: Arriving in Expensive Respiratory Equipment
Filed by: The Atmosphere
Incident: Wearing a high-tech respirator while creating the smoke that makes the respirator necessary.
This complaint is less about legality and more about sheer audacity.
Bossman enters a burning rainforest wearing advanced tactical gear, a field respirator, and the expression of a man who believes the air pollution is somebody else’s problem.
The Atmosphere finds this behavior “deeply ironic” and “not helping his annual review.”
Meanwhile, the Rainsavers are out there using teamwork, science, local knowledge, and resourcefulness to protect the same environment Bossman keeps trying to turn into a business opportunity.
HR note: A respirator is not a personality.
Complaint #7: Creating His Own Worst Enemies
Filed by: The Amazon itself
Incident: Accidentally uniting Tom “Primal” Swift, Alpha, Dr. Mubari, Jungle Dart, and Sunbyte.
This is the complaint that may cost Bossman his entire operation.
By attacking the rainforest, destroying scientific work, and treating local communities and ecosystems as obstacles, Bossman created a team with one very clear objective: stop him.
Tom became a powerful protector after the crash of The Simian. Alpha brought intelligence, strategy, and impeccable banana-based problem-solving. Dr. Mubari brought science and ethics. Jungle Dart brought unmatched rainforest knowledge. Sunbyte brought technical skill and the ability to uncover secrets Bossman would rather keep buried.
Bossman may have had money, machinery, and corporate connections.
The Rainsavers had a reason to fight.
HR note: Never underestimate a team assembled by your own bad decisions.
Final HR Recommendation
After reviewing all seven complaints, the Amazon has recommended the following corrective actions:
- Immediate suspension of all deforestation operations
- Full restoration of damaged habitats
- Return of stolen research materials
- Permanent removal of industrial drones from protected areas
- Mandatory training in “Consequences”
- No more fires
- No more suspiciously glowing fish
Bossman’s response remains pending. His legal team has reportedly requested a longer deadline, a private helicopter, and permission to classify the rainforest as a “strategic asset.”
The rainforest has replied with one word:
“No.”
The leaked file ends with a final warning from the canopy:
“If Bossman wants a rematch, he should bring better paperwork.”
For the full story of how this corporate disaster begins: and how Tom, Alpha, Dr. Mubari, Jungle Dart, and Sunbyte join forces to fight back, visit The Rainsavers.
Read Book One now and discover the adventure that turns Bossman’s biggest mistake into the rainforest’s greatest hope.
